Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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