Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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