I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
