Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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