Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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