I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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