Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
