Farmville is her only friend.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
