Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
