I can text with my tongue
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
