imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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