sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
