Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
