I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
