thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
