The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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