I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
