If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
