I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
