In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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