just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
