I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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