OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
