Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
