my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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