So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
