your parents love me but you hate me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
