i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
