I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
