im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
