My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
