the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
