chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
foreskin is a definite game changer
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
