Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
