do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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