i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I need a beard to bite.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
