The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
