Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
