My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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