I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
