The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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