Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize