im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
