A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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