Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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