Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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