saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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