we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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