we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
