She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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