You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
