You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
