im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
