we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
