you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
