After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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