Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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