Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
