i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
