What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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