when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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