Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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