Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
