Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
