Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
