I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
