Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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