If i come over, it means nothing
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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