he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
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Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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