They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
