We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
