yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
