I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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