Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My liver is preforming stress tests.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
