Please, let me fuck your mom
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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