I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
