i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
