Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
kristin has been a bad kristin
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
